Does your relationships at work policy mention this word?

“Affair”

If we’re being honest, it probably doesn’t.

And before I tell you what I think about that I want to give you a caveat: I’ve got no strong opinions on whether your company should have a relationships at work policy in the first place. I’ve seen it work really well and I’ve seen it cause mayhem. So this isn’t an indictment on your choice of policy. But whether you have a policy or not over 60% of adults have had a workplace romance and 40% have cheated on their current partner with a coworker, according to a Forbes Advisor survey published in 2026. And with 50% of colleagues reporting flirting with their co-workers comes risk for your organisation because those are big red flags I’m waving in your face. Whether you want to acknowledge them is up to you. And just because you think that you would act with maturity or have evidence of you successfully handling the smooth off boarding of a relationship in the past does not mean that your colleagues will show the same grace.

So what can you do about it?

Well, there’s no one size fits all. Sorry. In my experience, it depends on the culture of transparency, accountability and care that already exists within your organisation. Start there.

Then we’ve got the small matter of *why* you’re asking – what is the benefit to the company of someone in HR being told about a relationship (and yes, we’ll have to define it)?

Answers

Usual answers to that question include:

• Conflict of interest / power imbalance risk
  • “We want to know from senior leaders, line managers, key decision makers and budget holders about any conflicts of interest with colleagues”
• Reporting lines and decision-making influence
  • “We want to know in advance of decisions being made about informal and formal leadership opportunities, restructures, redundancies, bonus conversations, and/or promotions”
• Perceived favouritism
  • “We want to be able to mitigate any perception or actual favouritism or victimisation.”
• Harassment or retaliation concerns if relationships end
  • “We want to be able to act quickly to mitigate risk in these circumstances to ensure everyone feels safe and happy to be at work in line with our legal responsibilities to prevent harassment”
• Regulatory or governance requirements
  • “This is a request from our regulatory body, from our Board in terms of risk mitigation and our work to take all reasonable steps to prevent harm”

Then finally, you’ve got the administrative implications of it. In this sense I often think of the Grey’s Anatomy episode (Season 2, Ep 17) where they are asked to sign a form about whether or not they’re in a relationship with a co-worker. It’s a nightmare. It’s awkward. People don’t know whether their fling counts and it results in several complaints against McSteamy. As a harassment prevention expert, the episode sends shivers down my spine.

Mitigations

So you’ve got to think of your mitigations on that front then:

• Who should report?
  • The most senior colleague should inform the other colleague(s) and then report it
• What are we asking for? / What are we NOT asking for
  • Which relationships should be reported – this often includes things like siblings, in-laws, children as well as sexual or romantic partners
  • I’d recommend taking a line as a company on one-off interactions – how high is the bar?
• When
  • You may wish to do a historic address first
  • Then set a reasonable timeframe to declare it
  • It could be for example that new conflicts are declared at the beginning or in advance of a meeting about restructure or bonuses
• How
  • I really recommend that it doesn’t involve a face-to-face conversation(!)
  • An online portal or form would do – that way you can also send links, advice and support there and then
  • Make it as easy as possible – it’s not an interrogation
    • Two caveats – if your relationships policy is a straight up ban then it would warrant an investigation and if you have requirements around senior leadership then it may also warrant an investigation

The long and short of this briefing is that if you don’t have a process in place for how you’ll handle this situation you run the risk of floundering when it does happen, being inconsistent with colleagues over time and causing harm to vulnerable, usually junior colleagues which impacts them, their team and your whole organisation.

If this briefing has made you anxious, please know that wasn’t my intention. If you’d like to chat through your options, thoughts or feelings about it with me please don’t hesitate to reach out hello@enyadoyle.com or book time in my diary by heading to calendly.com/enyadoyle/connection